–Robert Pattinson went out to a NYC club, and the photos that are cropping up from that night are causing a stir. The first was this Twitter pic of him using a power drill(??) and now there’s one of him cozying up to a cute blonde. This is going to crush everyone who thinks he’s perfect and spotless and blameless for every sad thing that’s ever happened to him.
-The Lindsay/Dina drama just gets worse and worse. After they got into a physical altercation so bad that the cops were called (which I guess is what happens after you spend the night clubbing with your mommy/enabler), TMZ posted audio of a phone call Linds made to her dad in the middle of it. But there’s an implication that Michael was the one who taped the call, so he doesn’t exactly come off like Parent of the Year either.
-Meanwhile, Miley Cyrus has decided not to go the Lindsay Lohan route and turned down a TV movie role.
-Did Taylor Swift cheat on a Kennedy with a Schwarzenegger? But how is she going to write a song from this about being a victim? I’m so confused!!
-Speaking of Taylor, she insists she didn’t “kidnap” her 18-year-old boyfriend.
-I leave for a few days and Danny DeVito separates from Rhea Perlman?!? Reportedly because he has a wandering eye? Whaaaa happened????
–Olivia Wilde said that her vagina was dead, but Jason Sudeikis brought it back to life. His mom must be so proud!
–Justin Bieber says he had some “personal footage” stolen from his computer. Let us all bow our heads and repeat these solemn words: “Please let it not be a sex tape. Please let it not be a sex tape.”
-It might be the jetlag talking, but did Penn Badgley‘s hair on the season premiere of Gossip Girl keep moving independently of his head?
-Meanwhile, the ratings were terrible, even for a CW show. How is that possible? Didn’t everyone want to tune in for this moment?
-Speaking of Gossip Girl, I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but Blake Lively showed off her wedding ring — and I don’t hate it.
-In any case, it kicks Jennifer Aniston’s ring’s ass.
-This video of Christopher Walken, Sam Rockwell and Colin Farrell reading lines from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo might just make your entire life.
–Jennifer Lawrence has officially made it: she just landed the Miss Dior campaign. It seems like a weird fit to me, but maybe that’s just because I can’t see her without picturing her skinning a squirrel.
–Connie Britton (who is awesome in Nashville — did y’all watch the premiere?) says a Friday Night Lights movie script now exists!
-Speaking of Connie Britton shows, here’s the first five minutes of the American Horror Story season premiere.
-That Tig Notaro standup routine I was talking about last week in which she revealed her cancer diagnosis is now for sale on Louis CK’s website. I haven’t heard it yet, but it’s supposed to be a-mah-zing!
-Just in case there was any doubt about Tom Hanks being a totally awesome human being, check out this typed letter he sent Chris Hardwick.
–George Clooney continues to make us fall in love with him.
–George‘s Descendants costar Shailene Woodley has been offered the role of Mary Jane Watson in The Amazing Spider-Man 2.
–Janet Jackson wants a retraction from Vanity Fair over their claim that she delayed Michael Jackson‘s burial because of a financial dispute.
–Stevie Nicks is no fan of Nicki Minaj. Like, at all.
–Scott Speedman is dating his Last Resort costar. Even more importantly, the story about it features a photo of him with no shirt.
-The trailer for Hitchcock just landed, in which Anthony Hopkins, Helen Mirren and Scarlett Johansson depict the making of Psycho.
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